~No, I do not have my Christmas shopping done, thanks for reminding me~

I hate the question, "Do you have your Christmas shopping done?" because it reminds me of how inadequately prepared I am for holidays.

It really chaps my ass when I hear it from men and they follow up with, "Yeah, I'm done--I was done two weeks ago..." and then they start naming the gifts they have purchased for the various people in their lives. I think it is particularly grating from men because I live with a man who does his Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. IF he is going shopping. There have been many Christmas's when he has purchased something expensive in November, like say a carburetor re-build kit, and he declares that my gift. I think I broke him of that habit the year I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed, "I can't believe you really didn't get me a present--and no a fucking carburetor re-build kit DOES NOT COUNT!"

For the last few years he has gone shopping on Christmas Eve, and he makes a display out of it, "Here I am---going shopping--for YOU--I know that you want a pair of camouflage coveralls, in my size--and I am going to the Sportsman's Warehouse to get them!"

I laugh at him, like I think it is funny that he is jerking my chain and tripping out of the house on Christmas Eve. Like there is nothing to be done at the hacienda before Christmas day. It's pretty convenient that while I am cooking and wrapping and cleaning--he is going shopping.

But at least it's for me. SO I pretend he is funny, and then I tell him to take Kate. You can be assured that Kate and I have set down together and I have held a picture of jewelry up to her face, "memorize it. Remember the name of the store, practice saying, 'oh daddio! I think mom would love this one, and it's on sale!"

Martin will not be shopping at all this year, he ponied up the gift card to buy me a coat and in his mind that counts as his Christmas shopping. See, it was something new that came into the house and it counts, so he is off the hook. He probably won't even 'get' to go to Walmart with me this year, as he will have so much work to do.

But me? Am I off the hook? No! No I am not! Christmas comes careening around the corner with demands of "decorate! Give me a party! Buy me gifts! More gifts! more gifts!" and it doesn't take into consideration that December is not a 'free' month. The bills still need to be paid, and the extra money for the celebrating of the expensive holiday doesn't usually drop from heaven.

I've done some stupid money related things this year such as this: I started writing for the paper and I thought, "I will not get any of my checks til Christmas, and then I will have moolah for presents!" That sounds like a cool plan doesn't it(?), all grown up and responsible, exercising my delayed gratification organ. The problem is, I didn't fill out the paperwork, so I wasn't on the payroll. But I didn't know that--until November when I breezed into the office to pick up my handful of checks.

SO the Christmas money that I have been saving might be saved until next semester.

So no, I am not finished Christmas shopping, I've barely even begun, and when you ask me if I am finished with my Christmas shopping it just reminds me of all of the things that I need to do in the next few weeks AND that I worked at a job for an entire semester without bothering to check my payment status. "I wonder how much I am making? Won't this be a great surprise in December!"

So stop asking about my shopping status, that question just brings up a whole mess of problems I would rather not think about, not the least of which is this question:

Would it be wrong of me to suggest to my family that we become Jehovah's Wintesses during the holidays?