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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

~Ah Man~

I am overwhelmed.

When I signed on for all of my new life changes--the ones that are going in the direction that I dreamed my life would go--I did not consider a few important things:

1. A bathroom needs to be cleaned once a week. Minimum.
2. Laundry does not do itself.
3. I have to make sure three people eat three times a day. Everyday.
4. Kids in school have homework.
5. Pieces of paper that are brought to me from the mail, kids, spouse, bank and school all need to be filed somewhere.
6. Linoleum needs to be mopped.
7. Leftovers will never get eaten, nor will they be thrown away.
8. Kids do not floss unless a parent is present.
9. Cars need to be tuned.
10. Mother's should be called.

There's my list of ten area's in which I am totally failing; if I were honest I would add twenty more. The saddest part of the list is that it has to do with my inner-personal relationships and my personal worth as a wife and a mother.

I am making selfish decisions about my life right now. Usually I am fairly confident that I am moving in the right direction. But then I go another week without seeing my mother, and another night saying to my children, "Just do the dishes--it is YOUR responsibility. You are members of a working family--do your work!" I forget to touch base with my brother. I pass another evening when I do not say "Now I lay me's" with my children, and another night in which my beloved goes to bed without me. Another Sunday passes without my family in a pew, and another Wednesday goes by when I am not at the golf course with Mrs Jones. I miss my morning gossip/coffee ritual with Kim, and I haven't had my sister in my home so that she can watch her "Dirty Dancing" dvd in months. I haven't kissed my daddy, or sent my father an e-mail, or asked the lesbian's how things are simmering on the home front. I am not peeling enough vegetables, and the only clothes that I have ironed this week have belonged to me. When my children are crying I am more concerned about how to shut them up then I am with why they are crying. I haven't gone for a walk, or pulled a weed or mowed the lawn or written to Robin to see how life in Illinois is treating her. I don't call my sister's unless I need something from them and I haven't been to the bird refuge to see if the Pelican's are migrating.


Ah man.

This it the time of the month when I wonder if I am making the right decisions or if I am merely making the selfish decisions.

5 comments:

ybnormal? said...

eh hem...."the lesbians" are fine. At least one of them has not smoked in 3 months, and together, they have lost a total of 53 pounds. You are doing the right thing. Your children are not going to be personality disordered because you went to college. If you get overwhelmed, cut back your hours, but do not quit.

Ottoette said...

Ah Man is right! Now I find your "other" blog and have 2x as much reading to do! So happy, yet so sad - I don't nap 4 hrs a day dreaming about how my life is going to be - I read blogs 4 hrs a day!
7 months and 3 weeks smoke free. Do you hate me? But I was right about how helpful Allan Carr is at least. Just keep quitting and try to get your man on board - that helps a lot.

The Accidental Housekeeper said...

Deborah!!

I haven't been around in a while, I know. I get depressed sometimes and hole-up and while I read every day, I don't respond. But I am out here. I ordered Alan Carr's book on your recommendation...still waiting for it.

I, too have a new job, although it's kind of going backwards from where I thought I wanted to be. We need the money, plain and simple and it was too good to pass up.

Hang in there, you rock and if I lived closer I would come clean yuor house (but not mine.. never mine).

Best Wishes and congrats. You are an excellent writer and I look forward to reading you every day. I loved the newspaper article (I am totally one of the Rest Of Us).

Nicole

Deborah said...

yb, thanks for the update on the lesbians, and congrats on the 53 pounds! I am sure that you are right, if my children are personality disordered because of me, it won't have anything to do with me going to college--I am sure Kate already has a whole bag full of issues.

Kim! I really enjoyed the days when I was napping, though I find a get alot more done if I forego the nap. I would like to get the ol' man on board, but I am not sure how to do it. I know nagging doesn't work, begging, pleading, crying and bribing don't work either. (I have even tried to bribe him with the good stuff that men can only reasoanbly expect on their birthday.)

Nicole!! I am sorry to hear that you are in the dumps, overwhelmed eh? I hope the book works for you, it was working for me until I tried just one last puff. Sigh.

emmapeelDallas said...

It's FEBRUARY and I'm just reading this, and I so relate to it. I'm working endless hours at a mindless job that pays a lot of dough, but more and more I wonder if it's worth it...I feel as if life is just being sucked out of me...and my kids are grown...


Judi