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Sunday, September 17, 2006

~I Need Defragged~

I am writing here this evening because I can't seem to get on paper any of the real writing that I need to do. I am taking a mental break from yams and mermaids and coins and dishes and children and laundry and CIS exams and bipeds and instead I am stewing in my own juices and my extreme agitation that I am not getting laid right at this very second. Right now would be good.. or about NOW!

I don't think it is just me that gets this pent up about it, sex is one of the bonuses of being a human being. In fact, I am sure that the brochure for being a human female includes the words, "Dude, you can so have sex anytime you want too--and sex is a good time."

Unfortunately, I have reached the stage of my life where I no longer think about it all the time. Back in the day (monday through Sunday), sex was always on my mind, and consequently I got my daily ration. I woke up in the morning planning the sex, and jumping through the hoops that would make it possible. I took care of all of the physical attributes required for sex--things like shaving above the knee and wearing a thong--I addressed all of the more subtle areas such as the flirting and the ego caressing that go along with having a 'happy' man around.

And then I started doing other things, and now I am only aware of sex when it has been so long since I had sex that I am angry about it. Not angry as in, "Fuck you! I am out!" But angry as in, "Tonight? Tonight I am going to hurt you, and you are going to like it."

I have transcended the 'making love' stage and I am in a new dark area where I view sex much the same as I view the defragging of the computer: it has to be done so that other functions will run faster. It isn't that I want to be gently caressed and kissed and all that foreplay stuff--I want to be made to forget all of the things that I need to remember, and when I am done forgetting I want all of the things that I need to remember to be lined up properly. And a good orgasm organizes that shit.

That isn't a very romantic view is it? I do love my man and I respect him and blah blah blah and all that other shit but today? Today I want him to stop respecting me as an indiviudal and the mother of his children. I am not interested in words of love and adoration. I don't have time for the seduction game, though I do appreciate a shower, tooth brushing and shave.

I just need defragged so that I can do the things that I need to do.