~The Center Of The Universe~

I wore my black thong to school today and let me tell you what--I have lucky black underwear. Maybe they are lucky because they have pink stitching, maybe it is because they have a pink jewel hanging under a pink ribbon. I am not sure what makes them lucky, but I now believe in the power of the lucky undies.

Behold the power of the lucky black thong:

I needed a 75% to pass Math 025 and I received a 75.9%. (Boo-yah baby! I can do math like your average 7th grader!)

In astro-physics we played a game called "Science or Consequences." We could earn up to 50 points--and me and my black panties earned 75. I only get 50 of those points but who cares! The 50 points mean I could make an A in astro-freaking-physics. I have been a little sad that astro-physics is almost over and I can't say I am taking the class; but ya know--I could brag for the next fifty years if I make an A in astro-freaking-physics.

Sigh.

The best part of astro-freaking-physics was obviously the name. But the second best thing was the lecture in which the professor proved I was the center of the universe. My notes for that day say, "There is no center of the Universe. I am the center of the Uinverse." The logic goes a little something like this:

The universe is perpetually expanding in all directions. Therefore, the person measuring the expansion of the universe is in the center. I know this to be true because we spent two days in astro-lab plotting crap and tapping on our calculators and drawing diagrams and the end result was--I am the center.

To be honest, I always thought that I was. Oh sure, I have had some arguments with persons who have said, "You are not the center of the universe" and I replied with intelligent sounding stuff such as, "fuck you!" But now?

Now I have a scientific calculator and I can tap on it just enough to create a giant number that ends with an "E" and that empirically proves that I am the center of the freaking universe.

And now I am off to bait my husband. I am not exactly sure how I can create an argument in which he declares I am not the center of the universe, but I have faith in my lucky thong and I am confident that I can either prove to him mathematically that I am the center of the universe...

Or...I can use the lucky thong for evil and make him moan the words. Either way, before the clock strikes midnight my beloved will say that I am the center of the universe.

(BTW, you are also the center of the universe--lucky thong or no lucky thong. You can prove it to yourself by getting out the calculator and doing random mathematical things til you get an E. I highly suggest you get a lucky thong though--so you can be the center of the universe with a cute jewel hanging in the crack of your ass.)