~2008 New Years Resolutions~

I have been making "the list" since I was fourteen years old, so it only seemed right that I would make one for 2008. I did a little personal searching and reflecting over my twenty-something years of resolutions and what I have discovered is that I am a very shallow girl.

All of my resolutions seem to revolve around my personal attractiveness--I will lose weight or get braces or tint my hair or cut my hair or get a tan or wear a size four. My resolutions have a lot to do with losing weight, eating better, quiting a bad habit or doing something so fucking phenomenal that it runs on the CNN banner.

In other words, I have been making resolutions that never had a snowballs chance of being realized.

I read my resolutions for 2007 and I realized that there was not one single worth-while thing on that list. It seems to be written by a flippant woman who has no idea what her priorities should be; It seems to be penned by a person who hasn't taken a second to consider that really god-awful things can happen and surviving them is more important than the size of the muffin top.

I'm afraid that 2007 destroyed my annual resolution list. This year has kicked me in the teeth just enough times that I realize my paltry little yearly wish list doesn't even come close to giving me what I ultimately require.

Instead of a resolutions list I am going to write a prayer:

For 2008 I wish the yin to 2007's yang.

I desire to spend an hour of unmitigated joy for every 2007 hour
that was spent in abject desire.

I wish to spend an equal portion of 2008 laughing
for every moment of 2007 that was spent sobbing.

I wish that 2008 would enjoy a double portion of carefree hours
for every 30 minutes of anxiety in 2007.

I wish for the mundane to become common again
and for the horrible to become fantasy again.

I wish to spend a month of 2008 feeling competent, self-reliant and accomplished,
for every month of 2007 in which I felt inadequate, ill-prepared and illiterate.

Amen.